The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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