we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And then he peed in my hair
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