I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
