I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
