he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
