I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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