Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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