1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
