shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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