my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
