Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
whose parrot is this?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
