I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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