the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
