the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
