exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
