dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
