Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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