he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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