I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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