I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
