He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
where does the pee come out of this thing
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
