she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
