I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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