Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
