i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
