Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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