this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
