If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
