I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just took my morning after pill in the library
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
