just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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