she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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