i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
