first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
