If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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