I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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