mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
did i just pee glitter
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
