Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
