so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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