she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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