how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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