I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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