dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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