I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
