so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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