You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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