You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
