i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
