Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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