Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
