In the future we'll all be gay
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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