and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
