On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
