saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
