im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
