Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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