we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
