You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
where does the pee come out of this thing
this boner is exhausting
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
