So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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