Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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