need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
