actually, I'm a sock model
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
