apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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