I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
