i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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