It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize