So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
