I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
