Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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