Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
