We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
