i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
