i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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