I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
