I heard we made out
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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