that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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